Dear Uprooted Jacaranda

        Monday blues

        Enlivening my spirits

        In biting the dust

        During the weekend's carnage

At the hospital that morning, I was option-less but to park my vehicle under the supine branches of this lovely tree. It could not survive the wind gusts and rain soaked putty soil. 

3rd June 2024

From Palash to Aakash Mallige

Assortment of colours, textures, fragrances

carelessly collected in unhurried 

walks amidst nature.

A volcano erupts, spewing pleasure!

Slow savouring of the gifts of today,

cherry picking

only blessings strewn en route.

This load generates a warmth of fulfilment.

Then what was this mad race for more they mentioned?

Amassing wealth and fame you think.

Along sneaks in something more

and then more...

Today is the Day

My brother was suffering from Jaundice and very critical and hospitalised. And here I was, to visit him in a rainy New Delhi with my husband and two daughters aged four and two years respectively. We were put up at a dharmshala across the road from the hospital. The canteen within the premises was exemplary, with staff boys who were always smiling despite occasional tiffs from some impatient attendant or some recuperating patient herself. Clearly, service was their only motto. The proprietor of the canteen had put up a white board on which he penned positive reflections on life before every meal, which I began looking forward to. 

The canteen itself felt eerie once in a while; death loomed so close. A jovial man, with his head cocooned in bandage, talked incessantly to probably eclipse reality or ease the pain, for he was terminally ill. A middle aged lady diagnosed with cancer, undergoing chemotherapy, had hair just sprouting out of her scalp. Children can ask taboo questions very casually, my elder daughter asked, “Why has Aunty got such short hair?” To which she quipped smilingly, “I had no hair, it started growing only recently”.  There was a small girl with bandage on her head, perhaps a major surgery. And all of them so matter-of-fact all this while, comfortable sharing tables and conversations with strangers, dignified despite illness and so respectful of illness!  

My girls being the age they are, were usually up to some dancing, singing or talking which would attract the attention of diners in the small room, compelling some to smile and some to approach and talk to them. It felt good to see these extensions of my being spreading some cheer to the otherwise solemn atmosphere. A staff boy walked up to us and handed a packet of ‘Mata’s suhag pitari’ to my younger daughter. Our spontaneous reaction was “This is not ours!” and then came the realisation. They saw the Divine in my toddler. This is faith; a faith and goodwill that the canteen and its people had established and were everyday passing on to all who partook bread there, some of it was surely percolating through my soul.

Once my brother started responding to treatment, he was allowed to travel back. We too packed our bags and headed home wards. En-route I lost my mobile phone. I was very disturbed as to how could I lose it being the careful person I am! Words from the Geeta Saar that I had read at the canteen the same morning echoed through my consciousness – “What did you bring here that you have lost!” It was surprisingly easy for me to let go of the thought of the loss. Another thought however replaced it. That which I lost was just my mobile phone, maybe precious to me for the contact numbers lost with the handset memory and the part of my identity that I shared with the phone, now in the hands of a total stranger. What about the loss of a loved one or a family member or a dear friend? After all, we were so perilously close to such a situation.  What about me dying? Will it be so easy to let go? No. However, what is it that I would do in such a circumstance? I don’t know. Is there anything that I can do about it today? Maybe yes. Be a positive person, value my family and friends for what they are, forgive and forget conflicts, ignore the trivia and focus on the bigger picture of life so that when these precious people are no more in this world or I have to move on, the one feeling of remorse for a relationship unfulfilled would not be there. That is all I can do for that dreaded tomorrow. And once I have done this, perhaps I would not dread that tomorrow as much!

Divya Jalan

September 29, 2010

Yoga Se Hi Hoga

I started Yoga quite late in life. Having always been fluid in terms of the timing of personal and domestic tasks on my schedule and also believing that habits are just mechanical coercions of the brain, I needed to find out why was I doing Yoga and how was it important to me, if I wanted to sustain my newly commenced practice. This need was rooted in my verified and validated viewpoint that once the ‘why’ of ‘what’ you do is sorted, the how, when, where and who find a way of getting worked out.

Hence, here was my moot question to myself during my practice every morning — Why do I do Yoga?

And I found the responses tumbling out of a deep recess of body intelligence every time my physical being was engaged in asanas and feeling rewarded by the sweet aches of the stretches and the soothing relief of counter stretches.

I don’t do Yoga to manage my weight.

I do it for my holistic well being. 

And this is how —

Yoga adds to my routine and gives me a meaningful morning ritual, giving a springboard start to my day.

Yoga keeps me physically fit and gives enhanced stamina. I find myself doing more without feeling exhausted or tired. 

Yoga makes me stretch my muscles, making them stronger and my body flexible, supple and stable.

Yoga helps me have stronger bones as bones that take load become stronger and have reduced  chances of fracture.

Yoga aids in keeping my knee cap in place by strengthening my quadriceps and hamstrings.

Yoga helps me have a stronger back, thus helping me hold myself up straight, leading to better posture and body image.

Yoga keeps me emotionally fit as menopause is closing in on me and I get ready to cross over to the other side with a sense of well being and accountability for myself.

Yoga assists me to be more aware of my movements, stay balanced and coordinated and avoid falls. It helps me counter osteoporosis in a body which is making less oestrogen and having lowered bone mass density (BMD). 

Yoga helps in keeping my body toned and generally looking better as an add-on gift.

Yoga gives me the motivation to eat timely, healthy, mindfully and only as much as my body requires.

Yoga helps me fall asleep as soon as I hit the bed. By itself, it gives me the satisfaction of a day spent well.

Pranayaam at the end of Yogasanas allows to become aware of my breathing, slow it down and connect with my body. I am able to deal with tormenting and complex emotions and still find myself smiling. 

Meditation facilitates looking inwards, clearing my mind and commencing the day with a fresh and positive outlook.

Yoga silences the inner chatter to anchor me in spirituality — that I am but a soul in this body, on a journey, and only an instrument of a greater scheme.

What I feel inside is magnificent. 

What I look on the outside seems to fade into insignificance.

Windows to youth

The wall-engulfing bedroom window

Leaks inwards during torrential and monsoon showers
When the sky pours out its heart fanned by the furious gale.
I never find myself complaining for the wanting of a ledge above
The glass panes here look the cleanest after nature’s scrubbing,
With a three dimensional canvas to soothe the fourth dimension spent in confines of bed
Nursing the self to healing.

The amorphous grey mass is purposefully drifting towards north east
Blending tints and peeping hues revealing movement.

Now a flock of anxious ibises; flapping, fighting the gust
Melt into a beautiful V
Streamlined bodies in fluid formations.
A laggard or two play catch-up
In their daily micro-migration, merely from one lake to another.

 

Migration, flight behaviour and adaptations...

Lessons imparted by Dr. Deepak Sahay play back unfailingly
Every time flock after flock
Waltzes across the heavens, drawing my gaze with it.
Oft, I wish to spin back time and change professions
Or in the least, magically conjure up pages upon pages of class notes
From the damp mouldy vault, which I cleared off my belongings two decades ago.

Views of the sky, while lying in bed last monsoon inspired these thoughts. The culmination found its way out today.

Happy Birthday my dear Valley!

 

The years breathed in your vast expanse
Looking closely, deeply, intently
At the nuanced charm of nature
For which you always created the context
Have made me realise that you no longer exist separate from me
You are in me

I have discovered you everyday
In things around me
Within me
cheerfully, gratefully, wistfully

Floral clusters of Kadamb
Taunted me a month ago
Such resemblance to the virus-with-its-spikes
Ah! Isn’t this the same Kadamb
That was planted in the Amphitheatre on Valley’s last birthday
When we remotely watched the planting ceremony
The same virus holding us at bay

My letter to Valley for the school newsletter as she turned 43 on 17th July 2021 - amid the COVID lockdown.

If you care, then...

Listen with your heart, not your head
Listen to understand, not to provide a solution
Listen to convey " I am here" and "You matter"
Be S I L E N T and L I S T E N

... without judgement

Should be ----> Is

I am bursting with ideas of what could be a possible tangible gift for my daughter's 17th birthday tomorrow. Except that I am almost out of time. 

Words, yes words of wisdom are what I will send to her.

Therein emerges this above piece, from cues collected post an erstwhile discussion between us on the matter of a mild accent in her speech while uttering certain sounds. 

Smugness is the feeling rising in me after the words have been inked onto the almost dried paint, their soft melting into the lingering wetness raising the satisfaction to its crescendo.

In a flash follows humility. Easy come the words and the wisdom. The test is to live by them.

To watch the should-be trappings of one's own mind.

स्रोत

हम सभी कामना करते हैं कि हमारे परिवारजन, मित्र और परिचित अपने अपने जीवन में सुखी रहें। हम सभी, अपनी बातों और व्यवहार से प्रयत्न भी यही करते हैं की हम किसी को दुःख ना पहुँचाएँ। हम सभी अपना जीवन धर्म निभाते हैं — उसके अंजाम स्वरूप हम दूसरों के जीवन में कुछ पल सुख के जाने अनजाने में बिखेरते रहते हैं।

व्यक्तित्व और चरित्र के धनी इसकी अनुभूति तुरंत कर लेते हैं और अपनी कृतज्ञता को दर्शाने में कोई कमी नहीं रखते हैं। कुछ शब्द अथवा व्यवहार कुशलता के मितव्ययी प्राणी, समझ कर भी इस भाव को व्यक्त नहीं कर पाते! और कुछ सम्बंध ऐसे बन जाते हैं जहाँ इस प्रकार के प्रदर्शन की गुंजाइश ही नहीं होती!

अब प्रश्न यह उठता है कि ख़ुशी का स्रोत क्या है?
या यूँ कहें कि ज़िंदगी का उद्देश्य क्या है?

ये कुछ विचार ग़ौर करने योग्य हैं! लगते काफ़ी समान हैं पर इनमें सूक्ष्म भिन्नता है ——

पहला — दूसरों की ख़ुशी की कामना करना। दूसरों की ख़ुशी से स्वयं को ख़ुश पाना!

दूसरा — कार्य इस हेतु करना कि अन्य को ख़ुशी मिले।

तीसरा — अपना कर्म करना, धर्म निभाना।

मेरी समझ में, मात्र इस आख़री हरकत पर हमारा वश है। दूसरों को ख़ुशी देना हमारे कार्य क्षेत्र के सीमित दायरे में समा नहीं सकता। शायद मानव का अहंकार होता है जो इस सोच को पनपने की ऊर्जा देता है।

ख़ैर…

ये एक विडम्बना है — ख़ुशी — अपनी तो कर्म पूर्ति के संतोष मात्र से भी प्राप्त हो जाती है। पर की, हमारे वश से परे है। हर निज को अपना स्रोत तलाशना ही होगा!

तो फिर, क्या है आपके जीवन का उद्देश्य? 

स्वयं प्रासन्न रहना? 

अथवा अन्य लोगों की ख़ुशी की मृग-मरीचिका को छूना?

Knowing Eye